Feeling Stuck ~
Right now, I am feeling stuck. It is one of those times in my life when I do not have the ability to change my circumstances. As I have shared, I am selling my house. It has been on the market for 70 some days now. The average time a house is on the market in the US is 45 days. Granted, I listed the house when we were still in winter and snow was still falling. My eagerness to move forward with next steps propelled me to list it when I did. It is now spring in the Sierra Nevada Mountains. Snow still falls in the higher elevations, but here in Washoe Valley, it is another beautiful spring day. My daffodils, crocus, tulips, hyacinths, and iris are all beginning to show the bright green and a few have begun to bloom. My roses, hydrangeas, and a variety of trees and bushes are all beginning to sprout new leaves. Spring has sprung, and I feel stuck.
Stuck means that I do not have control. God’s got a plan, but I still seem to argue with Him as to what the plan should be. I need to “let go and just be held.” As the saying goes, let go and let God. I feel I have had to relinquish so much control in my life. I was not able to defend myself against my brother. I felt stuck growing up in a home that was not safe. I felt stuck in an 18 year relationship as time and time again I went to the in-law gatherings where I was shunned. I went in hopes that one day I would be accepted. I went to support my young daughters and make sure they were supported and not cast aside. I felt stuck in a car that my previous husband drove way too fast for my comfort level. My words fell on deaf ears. I felt stuck when I drove home late one night after a harp gig and felt I was being followed. I called my first husband, who was at work, once I got home (this was before cell phones) and wanted to talk through the experience I just had. He said he was too busy and needed to get back to work.
Feeling stuck or trapped - physically or emotionally - has become a trigger. Trapped in that, I cannot physically move. Trapped because I believed I had to stay in situations that were not healthy. I have learned to trap my emotions in a bottle. Not selling my home as quickly as I would like is making me feel trapped. Stuck.
I am an incredibly patient person. Some tell me I am too patient, too hopeful, giving too much grace to those who do not respect my boundaries. I am patient. It is one of those gifts or skills that one needs when raising children or working in the special education field as I have. However, I have no patience with myself. When I make a decision, I want to move forward immediately. I am ready to put my plan in motion.
As I wait for the house to sell, I have begun the rest of the decluttering I want to do. Living in a tiny home (insert link tinyheirloom.com) means I have to make decisions about what to keep and what to sell or donate. I am also consciously asking God what I am to learn during this waiting period. It may be as simple as learning to have patience with myself. Or maybe it is giving me the time I need to do more investigation about living in a tiny home on wheels. I have no idea what God has for me in this waiting period. Yet, I am keeping my mind, eyes, and heart open.
Seeking patience ~ julie 💕
If you feel so inclined, please reply with your thoughts.
Note: JM Lane is NOT a mental health professional, nor does she carry a license to practice medicine. Posts, blogs, and content are based on JM Lane’s personal experiences, perceptions, and reflections. By no means does any material convey what others should or should not do.