A Challenging Week

In November of 2020, I was backed into a corner by my husband with his finger waving in my face demanding to know who I had voted for in the election. Terrified as to how he would react to my reply, I eventually said… “no one. I voted for no one”. Since then, I have come to realize I have not voted for anyone in the past three presidential elections. Rather, I have voted against someone. I have not agreed enough with a presidential candidate’s political stance to say I can support them. 

The week of November 3, 2024 brought heartbreak, confusion, and worry about what lies ahead over the next four years in the United States. I wonder how much of the vote was based on economic concerns verses the values and belief systems of the American people. Yes, in a CNN headline, Smerconish asks the question, “Has Donald Trump changed America or revealed it?”.  A few years ago, I read Colin Woodward’s book  American Nations: A History of the Eleven Rival Regional Cultures of North America (2020). And in an Are we really a nation of such division? 

I do not want this blog to be of a political nature. The climate in the US though does make me wonder; wonder about the basic human right of respect, dignity, and worth. It makes me covet my values and beliefs in such a way that it reminds me of how so much of my person has been taken from me through abuse and trauma. It scares me to think that the person I am becoming may not be realized.  And, I believe nearly half of our American citizens are fearing that they may lose the right to be who they are; what they believe; and how they exist. 

Over the past few months I have seen posts on @instagram about what is yet to come. Instagram posts have provided a virtual community where individuals can express their concerns, find a space to be supported, and to hear voices of commonality. It has been disappointing to see posts that baulk at these concerns, shame others for their heartbreak, and, in a sense, express being a poor winner. These posts are to help one another. Why post anything to discount how others are feeling? So, as the saying goes, if you do not have anything nice to say, don’t say it.

I am beginning my healing journey and now have a safe space to explore and learn who I am. I could ponder on who I would have become if the abuse and trauma did not occur. But that is a waste of my time. So, I reflect on who I am and how the abuse and trauma has defined me. I have only been on this journey for about two years now. I do a great deal of self-reflection and reflecting upon my actions, my words, and my decisions. And I reflect upon the actions, words, and decisions of others. I am trying to find out who I am for the first time in my life. I have put oversized @postit notes on the wall and began long lists about my next steps, my goals, and my values. I question why I brought certain people into my life and recognize how to keep them out. I write and rewrite my lists, goals, and thoughts time and time again. I ask how do my goals and values intersect? How does the purpose for my life fit into this framework of thinking? Can I maintain my integrity while supporting my values? And after going back and forth, I created a list of my values:  appreciation, change, compassion, diversity, empathy,  faith, gentleness, grace, kindness, new opportunities, open minds, relationship, self-reflection, support, and unconditional love. 

I am an introvert. No doubt about that. I do not like crowds, casual chit-chat, high energy settings, and being vulnerable. I prefer my own company and that of my close family and friends. Yet, I do value community. I enjoy my teaching, speaking to large groups of people, collaborating with other professionals, and listening to others as they share their life stories. For me, communities are where all belong; where all are valued and recognized; where diversity is seen as the opportunity to gain experience and grow; where transparency can occur without the fear of retribution; where boundaries are respected; and people are treated with respect, worth, and dignity. 

Only time will tell what is going to happen in the US over the next four years.  I must  radically accept that I cannot change the power that others now possess. All I can do is to continue to create communities where people feel safe to share, can be kind, express empathy, and want to support one another. 

Take care ~ 

Julie

If you feel so moved, please reply with your thoughts.

Note: JM Lane is NOT a mental health professional, nor does she carry a license to practice medicine. Posts, blogs, and content are based on JM Lane’s personal experiences, perceptions, and reflections. By no means does any material convey what others should or should not do.