Patience is a Virtue
I am an incredibly patient individual. Special education professionals have to be. In order to guide a child to grasp a concept or to support a parent who is exhausted, we must have patience. It is a qualification of being a special educator. Now, being patient with myself is an entirely different story.
I believe most of us have heard the phrase “patience is a virtue.” Sometimes when people have said this to me, I roll my eyes. Other times, it is a good reminder. But most of all, I need people to just listen and not try to tell me something I already know. With that said, I have a tremendous amount of patience, grace, compassion, and kindness for others.
I have no patience for things that I need to happen when I have no control over them. Case in point - selling my house. I also have no patience for people who think they do not need to abide by rules that keep us all safe; such as drivers who make a left-hand turn from the right lane. I have no patience for not moving at a breakneck speed; sometimes it's just easier for me to do something rather than wait for someone else to do it. I have no patience for when my computer goes haywire. I am a doer. I am efficient and effective, and I want things done yesterday. I have little patience, grace, compassion, and kindness for myself. There lies the problem.
I have often wondered why I am so driven. Why can I not just be in the moment? Why are there only 24 hours in a day?
I sometimes wonder if this fast-paced life is my effort to keep moving so no one can hurt me. As a child, I felt like I was trapped and was used for target practice by my brother and sister. In my marriages, I was the one to ignore, blame, shame, put down, and was told to stay quiet. For my entire adult-life, I have filled my calendar and completed tasks at a speed with which my dear friend says no one can compete. Am I constantly running? Fleeing? Protecting myself?
Right now I am battling with myself over getting my house sold. It has been on the market for about 60 days. I am well within the average range for a house sale in the U.S. Showings, and open houses are picking up as we move into springtime. Yet, I am already feeling stuck. I am ready to take the next step on my journey to minimalize, be nomadic, explore, experience, and find my way in the world. I have no patience for this. Cognitively, I recognize that God has a plan and during this time of waiting, He has things for me to do. But, I have done my research and am ready to jump!!
Seeking patience, grace, compassion, and kindness ~
Julie
If you feel so inclined, please reply with your thoughts.
Note: JM Lane is NOT a mental health professional, nor does she carry a license to practice medicine. Posts, blogs, and content are based on JM Lane’s personal experiences, perceptions, and reflections. By no means does any material convey what others should or should not do.